Search Site

How to Bring Up Divorce With Your Spouse

When you’ve finally made the decision in your own mind to move forward with a divorce, the next step is to raise the issue with your spouse.

Doing so can be understandably scary—it’s not a pleasant conversation to have. But if you are to set yourself up for a smooth divorce, it’s important you bring up the subject and discuss it together rather than surprising them with paperwork.

Here are a few tips to help you get through this conversation.

  • Come into the talk without any doubts: You should be one hundred percent sure you want to move forward with a divorce before you raise the issue with your spouse. It’s normal to have occasional thoughts about divorce—just wait until you have eliminated any doubt before you bring this up with your spouse. At least try to work through some issues you’re having before divorce is even on the table.
  • Come well-researched: Before you bring up divorce, make sure you know how the divorce process works and what lies ahead of you so you can take immediate action after your conversation.
  • Be tactful with when and how you bring it up: Never, for example, bring up divorce in the midst of an argument. Make sure you are tactful with the time and place. Have the conversation somewhere you are comfortable and alone. If you have this talk at home, make sure your children (if you have any) will not be able to walk in. This will be an emotional conversation and it is important you insulate yourselves as much as possible.
  • Be straightforward: During this conversation it is crucial you are as honest and direct as possible with your spouse regarding your feelings. Don’t hedge your language or leave room for things to be worked out—if you know this is the path you want to go, tell them so.
  • Give your spouse space: After the conversation, give your spouse time and space to process what you discussed before bringing up the issue again.

For more tips about how to have this difficult conversation, contact an experienced Minnesota divorce lawyer at Appelhof, Pfeifer & Hart, P.A.

Our Attorneys
Client testimonials
  • "Tori had a thorough understanding of my situation and made excellent recommendations to resolve my concerns. She was persistent on communication and handled everything in a very timely manner. I would definitely hire her again in the future if needed." - M.K.

  • "With Appelhof, Pfeifer & Hart, P.A., it is like having a family physician. They are all knowledgeable, thorough, comforting, and the only call I need to make for all my legal needs for many years to come. No matter what the matter, I totally trust their advice and commitment to me and my family." - J.N.

  • "Mary from APH Law helped me thru a difficult divorce. She and the entire staff was there for me every step of the way helping me on what to do next. They listened to what I wanted and helped me achieve what matter the most to me in the divorce settlement." - Dana C.

  • "I chose APH after my initial consultation with Mary. I felt my best interest would be represented. The entire process went excellent, the attorneys and staff communicated effectively and efficiently with me throughout the process as they needed to. Being new to the legal process and verbiage, they walked me and talked me through the next steps and the jargon, I felt completely comfortable and represented. I hope I never have to use legal services again but if I do I will call Mary at APH Law and know that I will be taken care of." - Jeff M.

  • "Divorce is a time of emotion and stress. Mary Pfeifer , My lawyer was professional and compassionate. She was very informative through the process. Her insight helped me in my decisions. She worked hard to obtain a settlement which was fair to both parties.Though, I hope I won't need her help again. It is reassuring to know a good person that is willing to help." - Rod S.

  • "I first came to Ms. Jacquelyn Lutz of Appelhof, Pfeifer and Hart in October of 2016. It was definitely the worst time in my life and she compassionately spoke with me about my options. Ms. Lutz thoroughly explained the laws, statutes, process and what to expect going forward. What was supposed to be one case, turned into three intricate cases that took a huge toll on me and my family. Ms. Lutz represented me in court on all three cases with a vast knowledge of the laws and how to proceed accordingly. During all three cases she kept me informed, calm, gave me resources to utilize, and (most important) gave me a realistic view of what may come next. Ms. Lutz knew each case required a great deal of knowledge and creative thinking on how to legally proceed forward with each case. My family and friends are forever grateful for the amazing representation by Ms. Lutz. I highly recommend Ms. Lutz for anyone needing or considering superb representation for any kind of family law. " - M.H.


Contact us

Quick Contact Form