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Guidelines for Communicating with Your Spouse During Divorce

As you go through a divorce, you might find it difficult to communicate with your spouse or, at the very least, to determine how to communicate with that person. Sometimes you can communicate directly with your spouse, while at other times you may wish to go through an attorney. Or, it might be best to say nothing at all.

When can I speak directly with my spouse?

In general, you should never engage in any communication that is not positive or relevant to the divorce process. Any negative messages or threats will reflect poorly on you and be counterproductive to the process. These interactions will almost certainly be used against you in court or during settlement negotiations. However, as long as communication is positive or is moving the process along, there is nothing that bars the two parties from communicating directly.

What types of communication should go through my attorney?

If there has been any history of abuse (physical or emotional) in your relationship, you should have all communication go through your divorce attorney, without exception. In fact, if there is already a no-contact or protective order in place, you do not have a choice in the matter.

Even in less-dire situations, some types of communication are best left to lawyers, including many of the routine processes in a divorce. Your attorney will understand how to manage this communication in a way that protects your best interests as you move toward a resolution in your divorce.

To learn more about communicating with your spouse while dissolving your legal marriage, work with a knowledgeable Minnesota divorce lawyer at Appelhof, Pfeifer & Hart, P.A.

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Client testimonials
  • "Tori had a thorough understanding of my situation and made excellent recommendations to resolve my concerns. She was persistent on communication and handled everything in a very timely manner. I would definitely hire her again in the future if needed." - M.K.

  • "With Appelhof, Pfeifer & Hart, P.A., it is like having a family physician. They are all knowledgeable, thorough, comforting, and the only call I need to make for all my legal needs for many years to come. No matter what the matter, I totally trust their advice and commitment to me and my family." - J.N.

  • "Mary from APH Law helped me thru a difficult divorce. She and the entire staff was there for me every step of the way helping me on what to do next. They listened to what I wanted and helped me achieve what matter the most to me in the divorce settlement." - Dana C.

  • "I chose APH after my initial consultation with Mary. I felt my best interest would be represented. The entire process went excellent, the attorneys and staff communicated effectively and efficiently with me throughout the process as they needed to. Being new to the legal process and verbiage, they walked me and talked me through the next steps and the jargon, I felt completely comfortable and represented. I hope I never have to use legal services again but if I do I will call Mary at APH Law and know that I will be taken care of." - Jeff M.

  • "Divorce is a time of emotion and stress. Mary Pfeifer , My lawyer was professional and compassionate. She was very informative through the process. Her insight helped me in my decisions. She worked hard to obtain a settlement which was fair to both parties. Though, I hope I won't need her help again. It is reassuring to know a good person that is willing to help." - Rod S.

  • "I first came to Ms. Jacquelyn Lutz of Appelhof, Pfeifer and Hart in October of 2016. It was definitely the worst time in my life and she compassionately spoke with me about my options. Ms. Lutz thoroughly explained the laws, statutes, process and what to expect going forward. What was supposed to be one case, turned into three intricate cases that took a huge toll on me and my family. Ms. Lutz represented me in court on all three cases with a vast knowledge of the laws and how to proceed accordingly. During all three cases she kept me informed, calm, gave me resources to utilize, and (most important) gave me a realistic view of what may come next. Ms. Lutz knew each case required a great deal of knowledge and creative thinking on how to legally proceed forward with each case. My family and friends are forever grateful for the amazing representation by Ms. Lutz. I highly recommend Ms. Lutz for anyone needing or considering superb representation for any kind of family law. " - M.H.

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