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What Are the Signs of an Emotionally Abusive Relationship?

Abuse is an unfortunately common issue in many divorces. This abuse is not always physical or visible — it can take many psychological and emotional forms, as well.

The following are a few common signs of emotionally abusive relationships. If you believe these signs describe your situation, it may be time to consider whether the relationship is salvageable:

  • You are always worried about angering or disappointing your partner: You shouldn’t have to feel as though you’re walking on eggshells around your spouse or partner. This often means you have accepted and internalized your partner’s regular anger or abuse.
  • Your partner gets angry when you do not check in: You are adults, and you should not have to constantly check in with your partner and tell him or her where you are and who you are with. There’s a difference between genuine concern and a person who desires control and power in the relationship. If your partner gets angry when you do not make these check-ins, it’s not a sign of genuine concern.
  • Your partner regularly makes hurtful jokes at your expense: All partners joke around with each other, but there are limits as to what is or is not acceptable in a relationship. If your partner regularly makes hurtful comments about you and attempts to dress them up as “jokes,” even after you have complained about these comments, it’s a form of emotional abuse.
  • Your partner constantly belittles your accomplishments: Degrading comments and attempts to belittle your positive feelings and accomplishments are an attempt by your partner to maintain control and power in the relationship. For abusers, there is a fear that a person who is able to find happiness or success through his/her own merits will no longer be in their power.
  • Your partner withholds affection or money as a form of punishment: If there is a history of your partner being purposefully cold to you, withholding sex or restricting your finances to punish you for certain behaviors, it may be a sign of emotional abuse.

If you are about to remove yourself from an abusive marriage or relationship, speak with an experienced Minnesota divorce attorney at Appelhof, Pfeifer & Hart, P.A.

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  • "I chose APH after my initial consultation with Mary. I felt my best interest would be represented. The entire process went excellent, the attorneys and staff communicated effectively and efficiently with me throughout the process as they needed to. Being new to the legal process and verbiage, they walked me and talked me through the next steps and the jargon, I felt completely comfortable and represented. I hope I never have to use legal services again but if I do I will call Mary at APH Law and know that I will be taken care of." - Jeff M.

  • "Divorce is a time of emotion and stress. Mary Pfeifer , My lawyer was professional and compassionate. She was very informative through the process. Her insight helped me in my decisions. She worked hard to obtain a settlement which was fair to both parties. Though, I hope I won't need her help again. It is reassuring to know a good person that is willing to help." - Rod S.

  • "I first came to Ms. Jacquelyn Lutz of Appelhof, Pfeifer and Hart in October of 2016. It was definitely the worst time in my life and she compassionately spoke with me about my options. Ms. Lutz thoroughly explained the laws, statutes, process and what to expect going forward. What was supposed to be one case, turned into three intricate cases that took a huge toll on me and my family. Ms. Lutz represented me in court on all three cases with a vast knowledge of the laws and how to proceed accordingly. During all three cases she kept me informed, calm, gave me resources to utilize, and (most important) gave me a realistic view of what may come next. Ms. Lutz knew each case required a great deal of knowledge and creative thinking on how to legally proceed forward with each case. My family and friends are forever grateful for the amazing representation by Ms. Lutz. I highly recommend Ms. Lutz for anyone needing or considering superb representation for any kind of family law. " - M.H.

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