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What Not to Do If You’ve Discovered Your Spouse is Cheating

Nothing can turn your world upside down like discovering your spouse has been unfaithful. In that moment, it can feel like your entire world is slipping away.

To that end, it’s completely understandable to want to take drastic action when you’ve made this discovery, but it is important to exercise caution with how you proceed. In some ways, taking the high road can be of great help to you if a divorce becomes necessary.

The following are some actions you should not take once you’ve discovered your spouse is cheating:

  • Blow up in public or on social media: Do not spread the news about your spouse’s unfaithfulness to everyone you know or post rants about your situation on social media. This will reflect poorly on you when it comes time to go to your divorce hearings. Keep it within your very closest circle of family and friends and avoid mudslinging, especially in public.
  • Get destructive: Again, while we understand how tempting it may be to try to hurt your spouse in the same way he or she hurt you, you must absolutely avoid doing anything destructive. Any damage you do may come back to haunt you during your divorce. The high road is not necessarily easy, but it will give you the best chance at a positive outcome.
  • Get the kids involved: Never involve your kids — your divorce is going to be difficult enough for them. Keep your discovery to yourself until you have developed a good plan as to how you and your spouse will break the news of your divorce to them together.
  • Lose control of your emotions: This is, of course, easier said than done. Discovering your partner is cheating can send your life and your whole world into a tailspin, but you cannot respond by emotionally shutting down — or worse, by relying on alcohol or other substances to dull the pain. Keep your wits about you and form a plan of action for how you will move forward.

For further information and guidance on how you might end your marriage, speak with a dedicated Minnesota divorce attorney at Appelhof, Pfeifer & Hart, P.A.

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  • "Tori had a thorough understanding of my situation and made excellent recommendations to resolve my concerns. She was persistent on communication and handled everything in a very timely manner. I would definitely hire her again in the future if needed." - M.K.

  • "With Appelhof, Pfeifer & Hart, P.A., it is like having a family physician. They are all knowledgeable, thorough, comforting, and the only call I need to make for all my legal needs for many years to come. No matter what the matter, I totally trust their advice and commitment to me and my family." - J.N.

  • "Mary from APH Law helped me thru a difficult divorce. She and the entire staff was there for me every step of the way helping me on what to do next. They listened to what I wanted and helped me achieve what matter the most to me in the divorce settlement." - Dana C.

  • "I chose APH after my initial consultation with Mary. I felt my best interest would be represented. The entire process went excellent, the attorneys and staff communicated effectively and efficiently with me throughout the process as they needed to. Being new to the legal process and verbiage, they walked me and talked me through the next steps and the jargon, I felt completely comfortable and represented. I hope I never have to use legal services again but if I do I will call Mary at APH Law and know that I will be taken care of." - Jeff M.

  • "Divorce is a time of emotion and stress. Mary Pfeifer , My lawyer was professional and compassionate. She was very informative through the process. Her insight helped me in my decisions. She worked hard to obtain a settlement which was fair to both parties. Though, I hope I won't need her help again. It is reassuring to know a good person that is willing to help." - Rod S.

  • "I first came to Ms. Jacquelyn Lutz of Appelhof, Pfeifer and Hart in October of 2016. It was definitely the worst time in my life and she compassionately spoke with me about my options. Ms. Lutz thoroughly explained the laws, statutes, process and what to expect going forward. What was supposed to be one case, turned into three intricate cases that took a huge toll on me and my family. Ms. Lutz represented me in court on all three cases with a vast knowledge of the laws and how to proceed accordingly. During all three cases she kept me informed, calm, gave me resources to utilize, and (most important) gave me a realistic view of what may come next. Ms. Lutz knew each case required a great deal of knowledge and creative thinking on how to legally proceed forward with each case. My family and friends are forever grateful for the amazing representation by Ms. Lutz. I highly recommend Ms. Lutz for anyone needing or considering superb representation for any kind of family law. " - M.H.

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